How do I cope when I have
been deeply offended? |
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Offended
Psa 119:164-165 "Seven times a day I praise
You, Because of Your righteous ordinances. -165- Those who love Your law have
great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble."
Mr Flynn
Mr Flynn was a rare visitor. For years he would come just once a year to an
Easter Service. He would make a definite show of refusing communion. I tried to
chat to him, but I didn't get very far. Later, asking around the church, it
seems that for many years Mr. Flynn was a devout and dedicated believer. He was
fully involved in church life and a great asset to all. Then something happened.
What that "something" was I never found out, and no one else seemed to
know. The only thing I did learn was that someone had offended him. His
Christian experience had been totally swallowed up by offence- apart from that
one weird visit a year.
He was still making a point - but no one knew what it was. It was a futile
and a tragic waste of a life.
Mr Willshur
Another old gentleman was Mr Willshur. He had been faithful to God for many
years and a great prayer warrior. He too had been offended, I forget now over
what reason. When I first came to Pastor that church I heard of him and knew
that he had taken offence at something a previous Pastor had done or said.
However Mr Willshur and Mr Flynn both knew God’s Word and both had
faithfully served God for many years. Both had been offended and withdrawn from
the church. However Mr Willshur washurt not only by whatever offence had been
committed against him, but he was more hurt by his withdrawal from the House of
God - yet he didn’t quite know what to do about it - so he prayed for a
solution.
I had only been in the city a few days when I sensed strongly that I should
go that afternoon and meet Mr.Willshur and encourage him to come back to
fellowship. When I arrived at the Mobile Home he lived in, he was quite
emotional and very welcoming. He told me that just before I arrived, he had
prayed "Lord, if the man of God comes and asks me to come back to
fellowship I will!" God answers prayer for those who are real with Him!
Stumble
The Hebrew meaning "stumble" in the above verse is fairly similar
to the modern word "offended."
As a believer we must expect and cope with things that could cause us to
stumble.
To be offended or to stumble is when
become more reliant on ourselves than on The Lord. It is an illustration of "falling
from Grace."
Life has two extremes. Young
Age and Old Age.
At a very young age a child is learning life skills, and one of them is to
walk.
Perhaps you have observed a 1-year-old taking their first
steps. Almost always the parent is there, encouraging, praising and catching
them. A little later the child gains more confidence and finds it can move more
quickly - sometimes too quickly and the walk becomes a run and ends in a fall
flat onto the ground. Sometimes there is a few seconds of stunned silence, when
the child tries to understand what the fall means. Usually the tears and screams
will follow. Occasionally, if the fall was soft, and brings laughter and comfort
from the parents the child will laugh and smile - and may even put on a few more
"falls" for effect. Such events are the part of life.
But somewhere in this learning process deep fears can have their roots. The
memory of ridicule at a fall can make the child too careful and unwilling to
take any risks. They will find new ventures in life very daunting. Maybe they
had a bigger fall and instead of just comfort, they find anxiety or even
scolding by the parent. It is possible that this may develop into a fear of
heights. Our childhood is the root of most of our fears. A child may be stunted
in their confidence through early falls that were not handled well by the
parents. They grow up with the in built fear - and that fear is emotional.
At the other extreme it is different.
When I was about 10, I had a bad eye
infection which led to one eye having a patch over it - like Long John Silver
from Treasure Island. However I was an "out-doors" sort of kid and a
bad eye was no reason not to have fun. I remember a great outdoor game we played
on some wooded banks overlooking a quiet road. I think it was some sort of
pirate game - probably without rules, and probably with no real goal other than
an excuse for climbing, jumping and chasing each other around.
Being chased by another I quickly looked for a way of
escape. I saw the road about 4 feet below me (just over 1 metre). and I jumped.
I still remember how long it seemed I remained in the air, and how hard the
ground bumped into me when I landed. I was utterly winded and totally shaken up.
What looked like 4 foot with one eye, was in reality about 12 foot (4
metres). However 5 minutes later I was back in the game as if nothing had
happened.
About that time I remember being with my aged "grandma"
who was talking about someone have a "fall." I obviously had heard it
wrong, for the person had only been walking along the road and had apparently
lost their balance. How could anyone be hurt when they are not even off the
ground," I reasoned. After all, I had just come through a big fall
myself, and apart from well-grazed knees and elbows had been fine. I knew there
was something I was missing.
It is all to do with bones!
At 10 the bones are still soft and easily mended. They can
take severe knocks and recover. At 70 the bones have become brittle. The no
longer can take the trauma of a fall. For an older person, a fall is a terrible
experience.
As a young believer, it is very easy to fall (the actual
Bible Word) away from The Lord - for we have not found our roots deeply in God
and His Word.
Mat 13:20-21 "The one on whom seed
was sown on the rocky places, this is the man who hears the word and immediately
receives it with joy; -21- yet he has no firm root in himself, but is only
temporary, and when affliction or persecution arises because of the word,
immediately he falls away."
When we have walked with God for sometime, it is possible
to grow prematurely old spiritually. We cannot help getting frail physically
with age, but there is no excuse to grow frail spiritually.
Isa 40:31 "Yet those who wait for
the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They
will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary."
Here’s two questions for us:
Are so immature that we stumble easily?
Are we so set in our ways that pride makes us easily
offended?
>Or are we renewing our youth so that we can
2 Sam 22:30-31 ""For by You I
can run upon a troop; By my God I can leap over a wall. -31- "As for God,
His way is blameless; The word of the LORD is tested; He is a shield to all who
take refuge in Him."
Offences will come
Mat 18:7 ""Woe to the world
because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks
come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes!"
Hurtful things will happen. We will have knocks and falls.
How we respond to them will show where we are spiritually, and also will either
make us stronger or weaker.
We are going forward or backward - no one stays still.
Don’t be an offence
Mat 17:24-27 "When they came to
Capernaum, those who collected the two-drachma tax came to Peter and said, "Does
your teacher not pay the two-drachma tax?" -25- He said, "Yes."
And when he came into the house, Jesus spoke to him first, saying, "What do
you think, Simon? From whom do the kings of the earth collect customs or
poll-tax, from their sons or from strangers?" -26- When Peter said, "From
strangers," Jesus said to him, "Then the sons are exempt. -27- "However,
so that we do not offend them, go to the sea and throw in a hook, and take the
first fish that comes up; and when you open its mouth, you will find a shekel.
Take that and give it to them for you and Me.""
The first thing to notice is that Peter and Jesus didn’t
have the money to pay the tax.
One preacher has claimed that Jesus was fabulously rich on
earth - I wonder how they would comment here?
Secondly we see it is gooe not to fight battles that are
not important. No one likes taxes (apart from the tax department). But there are
issues much more important. Do we wish for Christians to be know as tax-evaders
- does that glorify God and teach of His goodness?
Jesus taught that by rights, A Jewish citizen living in
Israel shouldn’t need to pay tax to Rome. However Jesus clearly said that
such things were not worth the trouble they would cause.
Others later ignored Jesus’s teaching and rebelled
against Rome and the land was ravaged and tens of thousands were killed and tens
of thousands sent into slavery for life.
The tax was unreasonable but it was better to pay rather
than that to become the focus.
Be wary of "rights"
they can get you into a lot of "wrongs!
Rom 12:18 "If possible, so far as
it depends on you, be at peace with all men.
Now it is going to be impossible not to have some people be
offended at us - but lets try and make sure it is not through our bad behaviour.
They were offended at Jesus:
Mat 15:12 "Then the disciples came
and said to Him, "Do You know that the Pharisees were offended when they
heard this statement?""
Jesus would not "suck" up to the Pharisee’s
hypocrisy - and they didn’t like it.
Jesus’s home folks were offended at Him
Mark 6:3 ""Is not this the
carpenter, the son of Mary, and brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon?
Are not His sisters here with us?" And they took offense at Him."
You can expect people who know you not to be very happy
about your change - and often they will go out of their way to upset your walk
with God.
How can I avoid being offended or stumbled?
Firstly we must keep humble and
consider our own weaknesses.
Somehow we see our faults as never as serious as
others are against us. We feel a bit smug when others do something that "I
would never do!" However we can be sure that we are not so perfect in every
matter.
Secondly, we are especially
responsible to new converts to give a good example.
Luke 17:1-4 "He said to His
disciples, "It is inevitable that stumbling blocks come, but woe to him
through whom they come! -2- "It would be better for him if a millstone were
hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than that he would cause
one of these little ones to stumble. -3- "Be on your guard! If your brother
sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. -4- "And if he sins
against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, 'I
repent,' forgive him.""
Little ones in Mathew’s gospel is referring to
children, her it is referring to the new disciples. We have a lot of freedom in
Christ, but if I abuse that freedI am held responsible. If my example causes
another believer to crash – I am in big trouble!
Now if someone offends you – go to him or her and sort
it out. If you do not do this you have no right to harbour resentment. If you do
not wish to confront the person then you must let the offence go totally –
total unconditional forgiveness.
It is wrong to hold anything against another unless you
have given them a good opportunity to either explain why it wasn’t what it
looked like, or alternatively to repent of the action if deliberate.
You cannot hold resentment over "innocent" or "naive"
mistakes.
Pre-justice is when we come to a
conclusion without knowing all the facts, or evaluating the evidence to suit
ourselves.
Pre-justice is known by its more normal
name prejudice.
It can be a very cynical move to change events or actions
of another into our interpretation and then be scandalised when the person doesn’t
either admit or repent on our interpretation of the events.
"Scandal" is a Greek word:- This is same word The
Bible uses and is usually translated "Offence" –.
If we were suspicious of a person before they offend us –
make doubly sure that it is not purely prejudice that we feel - rather than
truth!
How can we avoid being
offended?
1. Lock ourselves away and see no
one ever.
Hardly need to comment on that one!
2. Develop love.
1 Cor 13:5-7 "does not act
unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into
account a wrong suffered, -6- does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices
with the truth; -7- bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things."
Love is hard to offend. It does not mean that we cannot be
hurt – that is ridiculous. Of course we can. However love remembers that
others are as fallible as we are- and we have faults just as bad – only
different ones. A person holding to an offence is seriously lacking in love.
3. Apply The Word of God to
ourlives.
John 16:1 ""These things I
have spoken to you so that you may be kept from stumbling."
Psa 119:164-165 "Seven times a day
I praise You, Because of Your righteous ordinances. -165- Those who love Your
law have great peace, And nothing causes them to stumble."
We are easily offended when we have a small self-centred
world. If the focus of our universe is ourselves we will see every trespass into
our area, performance or prestige as offensive. Prde
keeps "I"
at the Centre of our lives.
Change Through The Word
God’s Word will slowly change and renew our minds to
see things from God’s perspective.
We will see things from a wider perspective and in context.
With the Jewish nation rushing headlong into conflict, pain
and destruction, Jesus was absolutely right not to get offended at paying Roman
Tax. It really doesn’t matter that much.
How foolish can we be to consider a strange look or a sharp
word or a thoughtless action to be more important than our walk with God?
How does it look to God?
How will we feel standing before the Judge of The Universe
and trying to explain how some petty matter blighted our walk for God.
We must become strong in The Word of God.
Read The Bible, Study it, hear it preached by sound
expositors, study in groups so that you don’t just read what you think is
there.
I once had a pastor over me who was very offensive.
Obviously he had severe trauma from childhood that he had not managed to solve.
Dominating, rude, manipulative and insecure – it was a trying time for the
church, and a trying time for me as well. One of his often-quoted verses was
Psalm 119 verse 65 in the authorised version:
"Great peace have they which love
thy law: and nothing shall offend them."
He maintained that however he behaved or acted, that was OK
for a true believer would never be offended by his behaviour.
Such a travesty of the truth cannot stand.
Are you a bad driver?
Has you ever ridden with a bad driver? Speeding, cutting in
traffic, they are inconsiderate and often quite terrifying. Yet they are often
convinced that they are fine drivers. The fact is that they are only alive
through the good driving of others. Get two bad drivers and you have a crash.
Some people are like that, they barge through life,
treading on other’s feelings and only getting through because of the
graciousness of others. Let us make sure we are not like that.
The Word of God is talking about our response to the knocks
and difficulties of life. It not suggesting that we smile at every circumstance
and lay ourselves down as a door-mat.
No one ever took advantage of Jesus;
He never allowed others bad-behaviour to distract Him from
fulfilling the plan of His Father.
If you have been offended – welcome to the human race,
but if that offence has not been resolved quickly, or even worse, has affected
your walk with God in some way, then action must be taken now, before bitterness
sets in. Bitterness is a cancer that is hard to cure and will destroy you and
all those around you.
Without getting into gory over-literalism’s Jesus did
say
Mat 5:30 ""And if your right
hand makes you stumble, cut it off, and throw it from you; for it is better for
you that one of the parts of your body perish, than for your whole body to go
into hell."
It is though Jesus says that if what you see offends you –the
work of hell has begun in your life (v29). If your work (right hand) offends you
– is it worth carrying on with that if you lose your walk with God (i.e.
Hell).
The choice is Heaven or Hell – which is going to
control you?
The choice is The Word of God or Offence – which will
you choose?
Ask God to help you. If you are offended, you haven’t
forgiven, if you haven’t forgiven you haven’t been forgiven.
Mat 11:6 ""And blessed is he
who does not take offence at Me.""
Can you follow Jesus without being offended? Can you take
the knocks of life and still carry on. Some hit a problem and they fall away.
Jesus explaines why this happens:
Mat 13:20-21 ""The one on whom
seed was sown on the rocky places, this is the man who hears the word and
immediately receives it with joy; -21- yet he has no firm root in himself, but
is only temporary, and when affliction or persecution arises because of the
word, immediately he falls away."
You don’t have to have a shallow Christian walk with
God. You can choose to get firmer into Him – but it wont happen magically,
you have to get into God’s Word, get involved in the Kingdom of God more
and more. Even the rocky soil can be productive if The Word of God is applied
Jer 23:29 ""Is not My word
like fire?" declares the LORD, "and like a hammer which shatters a
rock?"
The rock in Jeremiah’s day was stubborn false
prophets. Let us make sure we are unoffendable by people!
We cannot help being hurt – and we certainly do not
have to trust the untrustworthy - or be foolishly naïve. Yet the action of
another will not, and must not stop me going on
for God.
Making such statements of determination will not in it’s
self stop me from stumbling or being offended:
Mat 26:33 "But Peter answered and
said to Him, "Even though all may fall away because of You, I will never
fall away.""
But he did!
But because of Jesus’s Word, he was restored and
forgiven.
Because of God’s Word we can grow stronger and
stronger.
If we are to avoid be offended or stumbling:
Let us keep supple and strong bones:- neither immature nor
senile!
Let us renew our strength by drawing from God and becoming
strong in His Word.
Let us be ones that will continue, thick or thin till the
race is run.
Fix
your eyes upon Jesus
Let
nobody else take His place
So that
hour by hour, He will give you power
Until
at last you have won the Great race!
Author unknown
Pastor Kevin: - please feel free to use the above material, I
would appreciate an email if you find it helpful.